A Sky Full of Stars
meow,meow
My name's poopy (^^)
Thishh ones for you;
DISCLAIMER:-ITS JUST ME VENTING THE WAY I FEEL ABOUT YOU FROM TIME TO TIME (for how long?,god knows) ;) (YOO VISIT MY SITE:-https://theabsurdlad.neocities.org/)
(dev note:- there are a lot of visual changes that i will make soon to this site ..itss shitty now ikr)
SITE UPDATE1=SHE HATE'S ME
SITE UPDATE2 14/8/24=I MISS_U
SITE UPDATE3 = i dont know but this sinking feeling that I get when i come back home from uni its really weird ,i am just waiting for something to happen,iam just buying random stuff for you,hoping to meet you someday or send it too you in someway i know this feel's really absurd but thats just me.I really want too talk to you but the things i did and u did is holding me back on top of that it feels u just went apart like its not even a thing and i know thats notthe case but idk what else to think i really want us to talk enaku therla,never ever been hurt for soo longg,and idk if thats case with you hell i have no clue why am i even jotting down my thoughts in here,hope that you will read it someday nd I really dont want my feelings to end up in oblivion.
SITE UPDATE4 = 30/9/2024 you know i went to patrick's house today and jollya erunchuu and i ended up taking your physics book from him and it was weird ,coming back home in the bus with your book in my hand ,your handwriting is enough to make me tear up I mean yeahh..I kinda like this you know i feel like you would read this someday and i guess thats what i need,sounds stupid I know ,sounds weird I know,sounds creepy I know but i dont care i really feel like iam talking to you..and I really MISS YOU.I just have this gut feeling that like something will happen that would bring us close again(iam not insane and iam not delusional*)
SITE UPDATE5(5/10/24)=i found my thing likee..its game devlopment and anything related to it i would be really happy doing it for forever or maybe for sometime or maybe for this phase of my life(funny how i actually started out trying to build a game from ground up for you but i never started it..maybe i will do it someday).."My Stupid Heart" song is really relatable i really like it hehehe...hell why am i writing all this!?,i miss you.."but the truth is I cant open-up"..entha verse from a song i like it reall hits hard if only i said things directly to you.. not just you but everyone.all the bad things i said to you iam just an insecure piece of shit its me iam the psycho..i na una evlo
Site_update5 == epo than sudhar ta pesunen nd ig ur havning the time of ur life in uni ig lol(ofcourse not feeling jealous cus i feel left out(yeah i do u piece of shit)) now i feel soooo stupid but i cant help it from updating this site or doing some random na litrally thungiten i was not able to sleep ok va na patuku enthricu iam writing this at 1:00 am ..this site idk wether will u even look at this stuff at all its been 7 months since march 16-2024 remmember july 25th..? nahh u dont (i reall dont care if u dont tho but i do) its just now i realised that there is part of me that likes hurting people in an vengeful way thats bad ik na apo apo insecure aa feel panuven but duh not the way i talked to u but the way i did with my roomates now and in last year like everyone who occupies a certain metal space in mind its like iam just punishing them.like epo yesterday i had a fight with my roommate and now na regret panala yenda intha room eduthom nu cuz i feel like the problem is me or other way to word it would be iam the problem like in my entire life i always felt inferior to the people around in me in some way or other and i always imagine punching shit out of the guys that trigger a sence of inferior feeling in me but it all could've been avoide if i only i was self-ware i let the external factors affect the way i act and the way i think like too many things i do daily basis is litrally me and my fucking fucked up insecrity {ik its un acceptable for getting away with the ay we treated peopl with some pyschological terms} .(i dont regret anything like the fact that am typing this with zero hope in me says that but hey u said this site was the best gift ..so u gotta visit this sometime right..?..hell why am even thinking like that like you visit the site and then what...?..right away u r gonna be like awww cibi and call me and then what lol idk well i do fucking LOVE you tho and thats the fucking reason iam writing this pile load of shit at 1:41 am hell nah u cant do that u cant call me or can u?(dellululu)) my life is not that bad right for me to yap on this site that nobody cares but yeah its a lil bad i read something that said 'anxious poeple tend to try really hard to win over or attain someone or something just to feed in their inseurity and that someone or somthing should be knowing or unkowing their ther insecurity trigger{alright iam going crazy at this point lol}' gotta move this journal to diff site and drop a hyperlink ..lol ena sola vantha yeah it was me who had anger issues and it was me who made the choice hang around with people who are gonna piss me off and instead being in control i just fucking lash out on em like for fucks sake i always say this doesn't matter and that doesn't matter nd i'll be like wtf matter then ..and then i realize its you ..yes you are the only thhing that matters{fuck u that a joke or was it ..?(vsauce music)u dont know vsauce right dumbass}..nit joking i thought that was the case and i still do ig the only thing that matters the most is the people and stuff we love and thats all nothing else..u pice of shit its like the history repets meme i remember writing the the timestamps while i was writing ur slam book right..?...its the same fucking thing now but we r in a differnt and place and u probably forgot this shit of a site and me 2...anyways even now why do i feel weirdly tiggere for just a small talk with my its the subtl expressions and tone of peoples voice thats making me go crazy.gues i need too peal i mean heal*...god knows how i should do that..
SITE_UPDATE6=Where did you go now..?
SITE_UPDATE7=Well...u sent songs me buttttttttt ,enaku oru dream vanthuchu ..it was really long one like ne pattu paditu eruntha nd then na karur la erunthen nd in some random place u where saying something nd then i kinda woke up lol...at this point i stopped asking myself why iam writing in this site lol cuz i love it its talking to ya but in really lowkey way like iam in a place where idont like manyy people igg and talking to you like sending an letter to you and waiting for an response lol...andd yeahh i really like game engineering nd stuff its really cool doing that stuff a lot lately ............butttttttt iiiiiiiiiii missss uuuuuuuuuu i mean not sad but its like u know iam sad lol..really wut would be ur reaction when u read all these like close it n pretend its not there !!dare u do it!!.....and i really miss you like seriously really miss uuuuuuuuuuuuuu
SITE_UPDATE8=I want you too knoww thattt
SITE_UPDATE9=I had a dream , in the dream guess what was i doing i was litreally checking my phonw for your message in whatsapp nd u where changind dp n stuff dumb dream ik (27/11/24)
SITE_UPDATE10=5/12/24 i feel real sad
SITE_UPDATE11-30/12/24--i got a dream and its so fking sad likr i dont like it was soo hurtfull right its like u where tslking to somone and even in dreaam i was saying to myself thats it cibi its over but why it just feels like it isn't over like u will talk to me sometime am i saying that too myself so that i dont need to move on and be holding on too evrything like yeah iam doing alot oh stuff new but it feels like my soul is somewhere else,why tf it just feels we will all talk again why am i saying that to myself to just cope instead of letting go butttt iam not that kind of guy right it just intution or something..really if i see ya i just want to cry my eyes out ..i went to school annnual day and i felt nothing right like i dont like to be in my room neither so i went but when someone asks about you it was soo hurtfull it was like you are somewhere near me but i jussst cant talk to you ,i hate the dream i wanna scream so loud n cry i hate myslef iam fking alone i feel it sometimes i feel like i got it all figured out but the next iam in this site writing how iam waiting for something so long that i feel embarrassed dont ask me what am i waitng for i said countless times in here
SITE_UPDATE=21/1/25 == i missyou so much
SITE_UPDATE=27-1-25 == you know i have the stuff u gave me always in my bag
At times its comferting for me to think about you I do feel guilt alot but na honestly i was confused ,no i wasn't.. like na epovume yosipen like 'why the hell am i even thinking about you' its like i really love you and you mean the world to me right maybe that was(IS) the case ig its like everything about you makes me happyy nd i was confused like you know the whole carrer thing ena pandrathu i said to you 'enimal carrer mind la vechu lam decision edaknum nd something along those lines ' funny enough that was the last time we ever talked on call..i thought of stop talking was the way to go right like i was honestly confused by situation i was in i was too stupid right to say like that but then sometimes i even think nah buddy thats the way to go she got new people right nd for fucks sake i dont hate any of your clg frds or anyone its just you know that fucking hurted me alot right somethings like i was so hurt i felt like a kid lost festival looking for someone i was soo stupid (and still am but avlo mosama la ela) idk what do except from an smart ass teen guy from me 'This Town' song remainds me of you ,yep no shit 'This Town' go n listen sad shit song hehe..sometime i blame myself if only i was like that or this then its like there's no if's right? its just is and we just are.u know i dont like calling you my friend right cuz its i love you soo much and you mean the world to me its you are my best friend nah more like the best person i have met event if its not same for you idc you know now i got the flash of your messages 'its thats the case then why tf you call me pscho and hurt me like that?' not exactly but you meant and i thats bad nothing to say enaku therla vidu.i do trust my gut and only my gut but enaku therla po i just wanna see you and unta pesanum but i will just i will start to cry the the momment i see you.
SITE_UPDATE(9/2/25) == YOU
Site update=idk the number but u its 20-2-25 its ur birthday in few days ndd idk i feel a bit hurt damn its weird and u know my last birthday was bad like i felt real lonely you know..why am i even doin this idk like saying all these crap in this site i saw a video by trevor wallace(name:-the guy who never left his hometown) it was sort like u know some brat holding onto his high school days soo badly nd shit nd i got scared u know cuz i think iam doing like i speak with bunch people but i just feel distant from them u know not like holding onto the past but its weird as iam writing this rn like u know u will see this ..lately iam really concerned about u know tf am i gonna do actually after uni u know?,..iam pretty sure i atleast above average skill wise in cs without trying that much cuz its i was into it at some point i learned a lot by myseelf but takin that as the whole carrer my gpa is pretty trash tho but i know i will figure out something nd u know i miss you so much more than ever..its weird right like each are in their own private little world having problems and stuff like i hv no idea wt ur upto right now laa like problems nd shit i might never know off nd enaku therla how is tht i feel so fking guilty like the way i even talked to you makes me feel bad bout myself i never said what i really thought right i was so lost ...Happy birthday in case i didn't write smt on ur bday :)
25-2-25 :-its fking weird idk why iam even writing this sshit rn like i honestly i have no clue i feel painful tho but whats the point why am i even doing this i really dont i feel anger again iam pissed and sad idk its like idk even if u remebmber me or anything like ik u hv lot going on or something like tht but i just wanan s=talk to someoen about this i stoppped talking to sudhr cuz idk for a dumb reaso for which nobody gives a fuck its last year was fine tho i really loved doing this sit ebut its just hard for me to let go and idk i wanna iam sad and tierd why tf iam even thinking u will call me or fk fk me fking weird u r always in the mutual suggesgions in instagram nd i just saw u hv the sekfie wuth case i gifeted u do u even remember that i gifted yoou it just sucks i dont know why iam using this site as my fking journal or some shit ,u even hv the link for this site like idk..happy brithday i am just an arsehole its like ima fine mostly doinf some random shit but sometimes this sort of missing feeliing hits and idk what to do like the onky shi i could do is try to vent out by sayinf stupid shit the jut gies straight to oblivion in this site.iam really hurt , i feel empty nd hurt should i need towish you but i nfeel bad hurt i wanna cry so bad i fking hat this feelig of beign forgotten into oblivion dk how u wpould feel if u rea this u say i would be the same if we meet someday but will tht ever happren i feel sick i cant stomach this feeling ig this is the first time iam talking soo stupidly in this site i feel so fking lost already bput my carrer ths feeling is nit doing any good ,y tf du i miss u this much so muvh so that iam talking stupid shit likethis rn
see now i feel lke deleting all this cuz its like my ego or something i dont know but i really shouldnt do tht its like pushing myself intothe oblivion i feeel hurt you know its just my gut feeling tht uwill rea all this someday lol i thought u would call me today lol ik thhatttts fdumb stupid me ..whennusaid ubfeel numb i was like idk felt empty but i had it in me tht convo is gonna go nowhere after reading ur text saying u dont like to tak=lk through phone nd like it felt everthing sliiiping away i think all this ramblig will only make me look more stupid i was fine few hours ago but now i feel sad sad , maybe i deserve all thislike i remember u asking like 'do u hate that i made new friedns or smth like tht' and i said something like no but in reality i very much did cuz u always said u wont be being in touch or something like that and i ALWAYS felt like u will meet new people and forgot about me and you wont talk to me i alwsy felt like that you know so i hated everyone ig iam stupid tp do that but i didn't know any better nd yeah thats on me for being stupid and ruining our bond friendship or whatever ..its like a small part of me still thinsk we will talk and thats reason iam writing this cuz maybe its hard for me digest that u hv a alot going on u hv ur own problems nd gang n ppl and u dont even remeber or get a thought like i do maybe once in a while sounds stupid ik its just iam sry
1-3-25:-LOSING ALL HOPE IS FREEDOM ,RIGHT?Maybe someday I'll look back at this site in far future after you know,after i hv stopped updating it.. should be funny haha, jotting down stuff in a journal is funny cuz when i read it after a year or two its actually funny haha...Really wanna see ur reaction when u see this pile load of shit haha ,if at all it happens...its like u know "feelings fade" (by RKCB a good song) thats true stuff doesn't hit as hard as it used too but you know i feel like I wanna do this,like writing this gut feeling n shit tht this would get to you haha..
23-4-25:-I feel good and i hope you too(you is also reffering to the random stranger that stumbled up on this site)
Life is funny isn't it,i mean yosichu paru the amount of times we think that we've got it all figured out,we plan something big,we get excited and suddenly something happens laa,..Maybe Thats just life...in a sense life in itself is like a person right sometimes?..Like Na una neriya thetti eruken lsu mari pani eruken nu bt that doesn't mean that I hate you or like I dont trust you or whatever you may think nooo its not like that pooja,You know that right!?..You are not just special to the people you are close with,but too everyone you meet,you leave a ever lasting feeling in them,a feeling of love ,feeling of closure,Feeling of being heard,feeling of companionship at times you give people a sense of idk maybe a feeling of Home..?(for me atleast hehe{someone put the sarcastic emoji here!!(hehe)})..Huh you dont know that right dumbass!?, you will never know stupid ,you will never know how Awesome you areeee ne veraa levell theriyumaaa....Remember,whatever Happens even if we tear each others apart just be happy ,I Mean Really Happy,Dancing On Air Happyy <3 ..
Trying to find my way back home to youuuuuu
DISCLAIMER:-ITS JUST ME VENTING THE WAY I FEEL ABOUT YOU FROM TIME TO TIME (for how long?,god knows) ;) (YOO VISIT MY SITE:-https://theabsurdlad.neocities.org/)
(dev note:- there are a lot of visual changes that i will make soon to this site ..itss shitty now ikr)
SITE UPDATE1=SHE HATE'S ME
SITE UPDATE2 14/8/24=I MISS_U
SITE UPDATE3 = i dont know but this sinking feeling that I get when i come back home from uni its really weird ,i am just waiting for something to happen,iam just buying random stuff for you,hoping to meet you someday or send it too you in someway i know this feel's really absurd but thats just me.I really want too talk to you but the things i did and u did is holding me back on top of that it feels u just went apart like its not even a thing and i know thats notthe case but idk what else to think i really want us to talk enaku therla,never ever been hurt for soo longg,and idk if thats case with you hell i have no clue why am i even jotting down my thoughts in here,hope that you will read it someday nd I really dont want my feelings to end up in oblivion.
SITE UPDATE4 = 30/9/2024 you know i went to patrick's house today and jollya erunchuu and i ended up taking your physics book from him and it was weird ,coming back home in the bus with your book in my hand ,your handwriting is enough to make me tear up I mean yeahh..I kinda like this you know i feel like you would read this someday and i guess thats what i need,sounds stupid I know ,sounds weird I know,sounds creepy I know but i dont care i really feel like iam talking to you..and I really MISS YOU.I just have this gut feeling that like something will happen that would bring us close again(iam not insane and iam not delusional*)
SITE UPDATE5(5/10/24)=i found my thing likee..its game devlopment and anything related to it i would be really happy doing it for forever or maybe for sometime or maybe for this phase of my life(funny how i actually started out trying to build a game from ground up for you but i never started it..maybe i will do it someday).."My Stupid Heart" song is really relatable i really like it hehehe...hell why am i writing all this!?,i miss you.."but the truth is I cant open-up"..entha verse from a song i like it reall hits hard if only i said things directly to you.. not just you but everyone.all the bad things i said to you iam just an insecure piece of shit its me iam the psycho..i na una evlo
Site_update5 == epo than sudhar ta pesunen nd ig ur havning the time of ur life in uni ig lol(ofcourse not feeling jealous cus i feel left out(yeah i do u piece of shit)) now i feel soooo stupid but i cant help it from updating this site or doing some random na litrally thungiten i was not able to sleep ok va na patuku enthricu iam writing this at 1:00 am ..this site idk wether will u even look at this stuff at all its been 7 months since march 16-2024 remmember july 25th..? nahh u dont (i reall dont care if u dont tho but i do) its just now i realised that there is part of me that likes hurting people in an vengeful way thats bad ik na apo apo insecure aa feel panuven but duh not the way i talked to u but the way i did with my roomates now and in last year like everyone who occupies a certain metal space in mind its like iam just punishing them.like epo yesterday i had a fight with my roommate and now na regret panala yenda intha room eduthom nu cuz i feel like the problem is me or other way to word it would be iam the problem like in my entire life i always felt inferior to the people around in me in some way or other and i always imagine punching shit out of the guys that trigger a sence of inferior feeling in me but it all could've been avoide if i only i was self-ware i let the external factors affect the way i act and the way i think like too many things i do daily basis is litrally me and my fucking fucked up insecrity {ik its un acceptable for getting away with the ay we treated peopl with some pyschological terms} .(i dont regret anything like the fact that am typing this with zero hope in me says that but hey u said this site was the best gift ..so u gotta visit this sometime right..?..hell why am even thinking like that like you visit the site and then what...?..right away u r gonna be like awww cibi and call me and then what lol idk well i do fucking LOVE you tho and thats the fucking reason iam writing this pile load of shit at 1:41 am hell nah u cant do that u cant call me or can u?(dellululu)) my life is not that bad right for me to yap on this site that nobody cares but yeah its a lil bad i read something that said 'anxious poeple tend to try really hard to win over or attain someone or something just to feed in their inseurity and that someone or somthing should be knowing or unkowing their ther insecurity trigger{alright iam going crazy at this point lol}' gotta move this journal to diff site and drop a hyperlink ..lol ena sola vantha yeah it was me who had anger issues and it was me who made the choice hang around with people who are gonna piss me off and instead being in control i just fucking lash out on em like for fucks sake i always say this doesn't matter and that doesn't matter nd i'll be like wtf matter then ..and then i realize its you ..yes you are the only thhing that matters{fuck u that a joke or was it ..?(vsauce music)u dont know vsauce right dumbass}..nit joking i thought that was the case and i still do ig the only thing that matters the most is the people and stuff we love and thats all nothing else..u pice of shit its like the history repets meme i remember writing the the timestamps while i was writing ur slam book right..?...its the same fucking thing now but we r in a differnt and place and u probably forgot this shit of a site and me 2...anyways even now why do i feel weirdly tiggere for just a small talk with my its the subtl expressions and tone of peoples voice thats making me go crazy.gues i need too peal i mean heal*...god knows how i should do that..
SITE_UPDATE6=Where did you go now..?
SITE_UPDATE7=Well...u sent songs me buttttttttt ,enaku oru dream vanthuchu ..it was really long one like ne pattu paditu eruntha nd then na karur la erunthen nd in some random place u where saying something nd then i kinda woke up lol...at this point i stopped asking myself why iam writing in this site lol cuz i love it its talking to ya but in really lowkey way like iam in a place where idont like manyy people igg and talking to you like sending an letter to you and waiting for an response lol...andd yeahh i really like game engineering nd stuff its really cool doing that stuff a lot lately ............butttttttt iiiiiiiiiii missss uuuuuuuuuu i mean not sad but its like u know iam sad lol..really wut would be ur reaction when u read all these like close it n pretend its not there !!dare u do it!!.....and i really miss you like seriously really miss uuuuuuuuuuuuuu
SITE_UPDATE8=I want you too knoww thattt
SITE_UPDATE9=I had a dream , in the dream guess what was i doing i was litreally checking my phonw for your message in whatsapp nd u where changind dp n stuff dumb dream ik (27/11/24)
SITE_UPDATE10=5/12/24 i feel real sad
SITE_UPDATE11-30/12/24--i got a dream and its so fking sad likr i dont like it was soo hurtfull right its like u where tslking to somone and even in dreaam i was saying to myself thats it cibi its over but why it just feels like it isn't over like u will talk to me sometime am i saying that too myself so that i dont need to move on and be holding on too evrything like yeah iam doing alot oh stuff new but it feels like my soul is somewhere else,why tf it just feels we will all talk again why am i saying that to myself to just cope instead of letting go butttt iam not that kind of guy right it just intution or something..really if i see ya i just want to cry my eyes out ..i went to school annnual day and i felt nothing right like i dont like to be in my room neither so i went but when someone asks about you it was soo hurtfull it was like you are somewhere near me but i jussst cant talk to you ,i hate the dream i wanna scream so loud n cry i hate myslef iam fking alone i feel it sometimes i feel like i got it all figured out but the next iam in this site writing how iam waiting for something so long that i feel embarrassed dont ask me what am i waitng for i said countless times in here
SITE_UPDATE=21/1/25 == i missyou so much
SITE_UPDATE=27-1-25 == you know i have the stuff u gave me always in my bag
At times its comferting for me to think about you I do feel guilt alot but na honestly i was confused ,no i wasn't.. like na epovume yosipen like 'why the hell am i even thinking about you' its like i really love you and you mean the world to me right maybe that was(IS) the case ig its like everything about you makes me happyy nd i was confused like you know the whole carrer thing ena pandrathu i said to you 'enimal carrer mind la vechu lam decision edaknum nd something along those lines ' funny enough that was the last time we ever talked on call..i thought of stop talking was the way to go right like i was honestly confused by situation i was in i was too stupid right to say like that but then sometimes i even think nah buddy thats the way to go she got new people right nd for fucks sake i dont hate any of your clg frds or anyone its just you know that fucking hurted me alot right somethings like i was so hurt i felt like a kid lost festival looking for someone i was soo stupid (and still am but avlo mosama la ela) idk what do except from an smart ass teen guy from me 'This Town' song remainds me of you ,yep no shit 'This Town' go n listen sad shit song hehe..sometime i blame myself if only i was like that or this then its like there's no if's right? its just is and we just are.u know i dont like calling you my friend right cuz its i love you soo much and you mean the world to me its you are my best friend nah more like the best person i have met event if its not same for you idc you know now i got the flash of your messages 'its thats the case then why tf you call me pscho and hurt me like that?' not exactly but you meant and i thats bad nothing to say enaku therla vidu.i do trust my gut and only my gut but enaku therla po i just wanna see you and unta pesanum but i will just i will start to cry the the momment i see you.
SITE_UPDATE(9/2/25) == YOU
Site update=idk the number but u its 20-2-25 its ur birthday in few days ndd idk i feel a bit hurt damn its weird and u know my last birthday was bad like i felt real lonely you know..why am i even doin this idk like saying all these crap in this site i saw a video by trevor wallace(name:-the guy who never left his hometown) it was sort like u know some brat holding onto his high school days soo badly nd shit nd i got scared u know cuz i think iam doing like i speak with bunch people but i just feel distant from them u know not like holding onto the past but its weird as iam writing this rn like u know u will see this ..lately iam really concerned about u know tf am i gonna do actually after uni u know?,..iam pretty sure i atleast above average skill wise in cs without trying that much cuz its i was into it at some point i learned a lot by myseelf but takin that as the whole carrer my gpa is pretty trash tho but i know i will figure out something nd u know i miss you so much more than ever..its weird right like each are in their own private little world having problems and stuff like i hv no idea wt ur upto right now laa like problems nd shit i might never know off nd enaku therla how is tht i feel so fking guilty like the way i even talked to you makes me feel bad bout myself i never said what i really thought right i was so lost ...Happy birthday in case i didn't write smt on ur bday :)
25-2-25 :-its fking weird idk why iam even writing this sshit rn like i honestly i have no clue i feel painful tho but whats the point why am i even doing this i really dont i feel anger again iam pissed and sad idk its like idk even if u remebmber me or anything like ik u hv lot going on or something like tht but i just wanan s=talk to someoen about this i stoppped talking to sudhr cuz idk for a dumb reaso for which nobody gives a fuck its last year was fine tho i really loved doing this sit ebut its just hard for me to let go and idk i wanna iam sad and tierd why tf iam even thinking u will call me or fk fk me fking weird u r always in the mutual suggesgions in instagram nd i just saw u hv the sekfie wuth case i gifeted u do u even remember that i gifted yoou it just sucks i dont know why iam using this site as my fking journal or some shit ,u even hv the link for this site like idk..happy brithday i am just an arsehole its like ima fine mostly doinf some random shit but sometimes this sort of missing feeliing hits and idk what to do like the onky shi i could do is try to vent out by sayinf stupid shit the jut gies straight to oblivion in this site.iam really hurt , i feel empty nd hurt should i need towish you but i nfeel bad hurt i wanna cry so bad i fking hat this feelig of beign forgotten into oblivion dk how u wpould feel if u rea this u say i would be the same if we meet someday but will tht ever happren i feel sick i cant stomach this feeling ig this is the first time iam talking soo stupidly in this site i feel so fking lost already bput my carrer ths feeling is nit doing any good ,y tf du i miss u this much so muvh so that iam talking stupid shit likethis rn
see now i feel lke deleting all this cuz its like my ego or something i dont know but i really shouldnt do tht its like pushing myself intothe oblivion i feeel hurt you know its just my gut feeling tht uwill rea all this someday lol i thought u would call me today lol ik thhatttts fdumb stupid me ..whennusaid ubfeel numb i was like idk felt empty but i had it in me tht convo is gonna go nowhere after reading ur text saying u dont like to tak=lk through phone nd like it felt everthing sliiiping away i think all this ramblig will only make me look more stupid i was fine few hours ago but now i feel sad sad , maybe i deserve all thislike i remember u asking like 'do u hate that i made new friedns or smth like tht' and i said something like no but in reality i very much did cuz u always said u wont be being in touch or something like that and i ALWAYS felt like u will meet new people and forgot about me and you wont talk to me i alwsy felt like that you know so i hated everyone ig iam stupid tp do that but i didn't know any better nd yeah thats on me for being stupid and ruining our bond friendship or whatever ..its like a small part of me still thinsk we will talk and thats reason iam writing this cuz maybe its hard for me digest that u hv a alot going on u hv ur own problems nd gang n ppl and u dont even remeber or get a thought like i do maybe once in a while sounds stupid ik its just iam sry
1-3-25:-LOSING ALL HOPE IS FREEDOM ,RIGHT?Maybe someday I'll look back at this site in far future after you know,after i hv stopped updating it.. should be funny haha, jotting down stuff in a journal is funny cuz when i read it after a year or two its actually funny haha...Really wanna see ur reaction when u see this pile load of shit haha ,if at all it happens...its like u know "feelings fade" (by RKCB a good song) thats true stuff doesn't hit as hard as it used too but you know i feel like I wanna do this,like writing this gut feeling n shit tht this would get to you haha..
23-4-25:-I feel good and i hope you too(you is also reffering to the random stranger that stumbled up on this site)
Life is funny isn't it,i mean yosichu paru the amount of times we think that we've got it all figured out,we plan something big,we get excited and suddenly something happens laa,..Maybe Thats just life...in a sense life in itself is like a person right sometimes?..Like Na una neriya thetti eruken lsu mari pani eruken nu bt that doesn't mean that I hate you or like I dont trust you or whatever you may think nooo its not like that pooja,You know that right!?..You are not just special to the people you are close with,but too everyone you meet,you leave a ever lasting feeling in them,a feeling of love ,feeling of closure,Feeling of being heard,feeling of companionship at times you give people a sense of idk maybe a feeling of Home..?(for me atleast hehe{someone put the sarcastic emoji here!!(hehe)})..Huh you dont know that right dumbass!?, you will never know stupid ,you will never know how Awesome you areeee ne veraa levell theriyumaaa....Remember,whatever Happens even if we tear each others apart just be happy ,I Mean Really Happy,Dancing On Air Happyy <3 ..
Trying to find my way back home to youuuuuu
*Me if someobody HurT's yOU(i need to do this to myself )*
Sometimes doesn't it feel like..
We're just the same
For Now and forever
Let us make mistakes
I don't judge you, babe
This is not too late
So, let's fall from grace
Like we don't know better!<3
